Growth Mindset
Have you heard of what it means to have a Growth Mindset? If you haven’t, stop immediately and get this book by Dr. Carol Dweck – “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.” For me, it was a game-changer in how I thought about myself and my abilities. It also had a major impact on how I talk to my children about their abilities. So, if you are a parent or just a human….this book is for you. If you haven’t read the book, the basic premise is this; people tend to fall into one of two categories, a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe that abilities are fixed. Those with a growth mindset believe that abilities can be developed. I could go on and on about this and maybe I will in a future blog post. But, this is what came to mind for me when I thought about the topic I wanted to share in this week’s blog – 5 Habits I Never Thought I’d Do.
You see, I am someone who was raised with a fixed mindset. I was told and believed that there were certain things I “just couldn’t do.” For example, when I was very small I had bad asthma. One year in elementary school there was a Girl Scout Olympics event coming up. My dad, with all the best intentions, told me to make sure my leaders knew that I really couldn’t run or do anything athletic, because of this asthma. (Side note: Later doctors have told me I was likely misdiagnosed because no one has found a trace of it for as long as I can remember).
The point is not whether or not the diagnosis was right, the point is that I believed there was something that I could not do. I carried around that and other notions of what was possible for me all through my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood…until I read about this idea of a growth mindset. It’s the idea of being able to embrace and change my mindset to that of a growth mindset, that allowed me to leave my corporate career after 25 years and become an entrepreneur. Once I embraced this idea of a growth mindset, I started changing all sorts of aspects of my life, including my habits.
So, this is what brings me to the topic of today’s post. Here are the 5 things I NEVER thought I would find myself doing as a regular habit. (BTW – If you want to read a great book about habits, I recommend James Clear’s “Atomic Habits”.
Habit 1: Meditation
Although I long considered myself kind of a health nut, this was one area that I just couldn’t wrap my head around for the longest time (pun intended)! The idea that I could sit still for any length of time and quiet myself long enough to be able to meditate. In my reading about different wellness practices meditation kept coming up as something people found incredibly beneficial. Even executives were touting that meditation helped them make better decisions and think more creatively at work. As a corporate lackey, I wanted any edge I could get. So, I started to consider it might actually be something useful and not totally wacky or “for other people” as I thought before.
It was at my husband’s encouragement that we both finally signed up for training on Transcendental Meditation at our local TM center. After my very first meditation session, I had an almost buzzed feeling, and I was IN! Not all my meditations have produced that result since then. In fact, very few have. But, I came to look forward to the opportunity to sit still for 20 minutes with just me and my mantra. Jerry Seinfeld (a long time TM-er) compared it to pulling over to a rest stop when you are on a long car trip. Sometimes you just need to pull over and rest. This is rest for your mind!
So, even though I thought I would NEVER be that person who meditates, I now do it every morning. Oh, and my kids meditate too. They don’t think it’s weird or anything. It’s just something they do after they brush their teeth! This is something James Clear refers to in his book as habit stacking. If you want a new behavior to take hold, tie it to an already established behavior. For me, it’s the thing I do after I journal each morning.
Habit 2: Morning Exercise
I’ve been a regular exerciser since college. So, keeping a regular routine hasn’t typically been an issue for me. I like the results and how it makes me feel so it has always been an “easy” habit for me to keep. However, until recently I have been adamant that I am an evening exerciser. Even back in my early twenties when I worked an 11-8 shift, I still could not get myself to get up early enough to workout in the morning. Thank you 24 Hour Fitness! When my office building created a really nice gym, I just didn’t want the hassle of having to shower at the gym before work. So, I would workout right after work. The gym was right there so no biggie.
Not a pretty sight but here's me in the gym/garage early on a January morning.
Even when I would work from home instead of the office, I would get up in the morning, shower and put on workout clothes and I would hit my garage gym right AFTER work. Once I became an entrepreneur and had a little more control over my schedule, I decided to change this afternoon/evening exercise habit. Last April, after I left my corporate job, I figured it was time to make the morning workout thing happen. At first, I would get up, put on my workout clothes, meditate, get the kids up and ready for school, drive them to school, come home, walk the dog, then workout at about 9:00 am. One day I had to interview a potential employee at 9 am, so I wanted to have my workout done and be showered and dressed in time. So, I set my alarm 30 minutes early – 5:15 am – and I workout out BEFORE the kids got up. I loved it! By the time I had to get the kids out of bed, I was awake and alert and ready to take on the day. I was especially ready for the battle to ensue getting the kids ready for school. Anyone who has ever had to get kids ready for school knows what hard work that is. It’s a mental game. You have to be prepared to go into battle. A battle against the clock, a battle of wits negotiating over breakfast, a battle getting them out of bed. Now, I am ready for that battle and their little shenanigans don’t get to me like they used to.
Habit 3: Drinking Black Coffee
This is probably the least likely of the 5 habits I never thought I’d do. I don’t remember when I started drinking coffee regularly. It probably wasn’t until my husband and I first moved in together in 2000. I don’t recall owning a coffee maker before that and I only learned to make coffee for myself once my husband stopped drinking it. When I did drink coffee, it always included some kind of cream/milk and some kind of sugar/sweetener. In more recent years it was typically coconut creamer and stevia. Man, I love the smell and taste of coffee in the morning! Then I started to learn about intermittent fasting and thought I would give it a try. The method I was going for would have me not consuming any calories until at least 10:00 am. But COFFEE!!! I had to drink it black. At first, I thought I would give up coffee entirely rather than try to drink it black. I eased into it by just adding cinnamon and stevia. That made it more palatable. Technically those two items are fine when intermittent fasting because they are not a source of calories. But, some days I just want a little bit of coffee before my workout and I don’t have time to do anything but just drink a small cup totally black. Do I love it? No. But, just like anything, I did it enough to get used to it and form a habit. So, now I only add creamer and stevia to my coffee on the weekend and it feels like a super decadent treat. My favorite is Califia Farms Almond/Coconut Pumpkin Spice creamer. I’ve gotten in the habit of drinking black coffee most days. Maybe coffee drinking is a habit I will try to give up all together one of these days…..we’ll see.
Update: I have tried giving up coffee but it’s back on. The whole coronavirus thing has left me needing coffee for a little liquid courage in the morning. #homeschoolnewbie
Habit 4: Going to Bed Early
Ask my mother what it was like to get me to go to bed on time as a kid and she’ll tell you I was a nightmare! I would always try to stay up past my bedtime and once I went to bed I wouldn’t stay in bed. I felt like I was missing something. Like everyone had a fun party and I was the only loser in bed. When I got old enough to stop having a bedtime I would stay up late. Not super late but later than was responsible. But, when you are young, functioning on less sleep seems like a minor inconvenience and not a major cause for concern.
Once I was an adult and had a job I had to be at early in the morning, I would try to go to bed at a reasonable time. What’s reasonable? 11:00 or 12:00. I don’t really remember but my husband says when we met I was staying up until almost midnight. Once I started having kids I was still staying up late. Maybe the baby needed another feeding or it was the only time to get anything done after the kids had gone to bed. It was also the only time I could watch TV that I wanted to watch and not Disney princess-whatever or Thomas the Train.
Bedtime
What time do I go to bed now? 9:00-9:15. But, I did not go from 11 pm to 9 pm in a day, or a month or even in a year. This was a gradual thing, over several years. I gradually started to go to bed earlier and earlier starting about 5 years ago maybe. The thing that helped the most? Getting the TV out of the bedroom. Right now my husband is reading this and saying, “Haha….told you so!” Yeah okay, I admit it. Having a TV in the bedroom is not a good thing. Having a TV in my bedroom was a given since I was 11 years old. I loved to lay in bed and watch TV. I didn’t make the connection that it was keeping me from sleep until recently. You see, my husband HATED having a TV in the bedroom. When we moved into our new house 5 years ago, he begged me to leave the TV out of the bedroom. We compromised. I said we could ditch the TV in the bedroom if I could get an Xbox. Deal! With no TV to watch, I started actually going to bed when I felt tired. Over the course of several years, that bedtime got earlier and earlier. If this is a habit you are trying to establish, I don’t suggest moving back your bedtime in 15-minute increments. It won’t be as much of a shock to your system and therefore you’re more likely to make going to bed early a habit you enjoy. These days, if I am up past 9:15 I am super cranky about it. But, I also love to get to bed at a decent time because of #5!
Habit 5: Waking Up Early
The thing that really sealed the deal for me going to bed early was the fact that I chose to get up so early. Look, you may have read the books and heard the podcasts about the importance of a morning routine. Rachel Hollis talks all the time about how crucial it is to get up at least an hour before your kids do. And Hal Elrod touts The Miracle Morning. I agree with all of this advice. But, you cannot get up early if you are not willing to go to bed early. I don’t think I need to quote any studies about how important sleep is. You already know this. You may have kidded yourself that lack of sleep has had an impact on your body, mind, and performance. But, you know that lack of sleep is not good for you.
My lemon water and journal (colored pens a must!)
I had a massive realization about the importance of sleep after my son was born. He was the third child and I had him when I was 40. Yes, all new mammas are tired and understandably so. But, I am here to tell you, and other older mammas I think would agree, there is a special kind of hell that is sleep deprivation in your forties.
My third and last child meant my last chance to try and get breastfeeding right. I didn’t feel “successful” with the other two and I really wanted to do the whole 12 months with him. So, the fact that he was not a good sleeper meant that I was getting up in the middle of the night to feed him until he was 9 months old. I went back to work when he was about 4.5 months old. I remember those first few months back at work being SO HARD! I felt it difficult to concentrate as well as keep up with understanding what I needed to do at my job. This had never been a problem before and I couldn’t understand why it was so hard now. Once my son started sleeping through the night, I also started to sleep through the night. Work got easier. EVERYTHING got easier! I was discounting the impact that the lack of sleep had on me. So, all this is to say that if you want to be that earlier riser with a killer morning routine, you’ve got to hit the sheets earlier too. It can be a gradual shift…maybe 15 minutes a week until you get where you want to be.
In the section where I talk about my morning workout routine, I mentioned that I used to get up at 5:45. I thought this was pretty darn early. But the one day that I had to get up at 5:15 instead I noticed something. It really wasn’t any harder to get up at 5:15 than it was a 5:45. So, now I regularly get up at 5:15.
Current Morning Schedule
- Wake up
- Put on workout clothes
- Drink a cup of warm lemon water while I journal
- Meditate (either TM or Kundalini Yoga with Kirtan Kriya meditation)
- Drink coffee
- Workout
- Get kids up, fed, dressed (while drinking more coffee)
- Drive kids to school
- Come home & walk the dog
- Shower, get dressed, start work
I really enjoy getting up early and getting so much done before my kids get up. It really feels like the only real “me” time I get all day which is why I look forward to it. And that’s the secret, I think. You have to look forward to whatever you’re doing in the morning to make getting up early more palatable.
What does the weekend morning look like? Not much difference to be honest. Typically I still have to get at least one of the kids up on Saturday for something – soccer, theater rehearsal, cub scouts, girl scouts, etc. Sunday is the one morning I get to “sleep in” even though we typically go to church. Sleeping in for me is getting up at 7:00!
So, here I stand in my late forties, totally shocked that I have adopted these habits and more. It is cliche to say but… it really is never too late to change.
What habits have adopted that you never thought you could? Or, what habits would you like to start but are struggling with? I’d love to hear from you.
Wow! Good for you, Angelique! I left the corporate world a little over a year ago. After helping care for my terminally ill mother-in-law until she passed away in July, my husband and I sold our condo and moved into a mobile home on a scenic campgrounds across the road from my parent’s house located in the middle of the woods. We’re about seven miles from anything resembling a city, and my husband, a city slicker all his life, was kind of freaked out at first, but so far so good. We’ve been married for 27 years, and we don’t have any children. I’m an only child. My dad, mom, and stepdad are all in their early 70s, and I wanted to move closer to them while they were all still healthy. I’m super fortunate to have been able to retire at 50. The habits I’ve developed over the past year of changing my life have included: Eating at home more than eating out. This habit has helped me lose weight, save money, and spend quality “dinner time” with family and friends who have gladly accepted invitations to dine with my husband and me. Embracing the gift of time to plan and cook meals at home has been wonderful. Another habit That’s important to me is making my bed as soon as I get up every morning, even though my husband rarely goes a day without crawling back into bed and taking a mid-afternoon nap. Making my bed was a habit I really never felt was important until I started working from home regularly. I find it really gives me a quick sense of accomplishment that starts my day off on a good note.
Angela, that’s so great! Isn’t it interesting how much our lives and our habits can change? Leaving the corporate world is leaving a safety net of sorts but also allows us to fly a bit higher too, no?